In the evening, after sundown, I wandered down the road to Ganeshpuri and back again. Along the road were some small shops – almost stands really – that sold trinkets and sundry small things. There were still a number of people about, mostly wearing long, flowing robes. A couple of hundred yards from the ashram, only a few lights here and there separated the dirt road from complete darkness. A rumbling in the dark turned out to be an oxen-drawn cart with wooden wheels that seemed to rise suddenly out of the dark road like a ghost from the past. It could easily have been like this two thousand years ago, I thought. Time seemed to stand still in this eerie atmosphere. My thoughts wandered idly as I approached the lighted-up area of the ashram again, looking up into a clear starlit sky.
Suddenly I felt a tingling sensation in my leg – very strong – a little like goose pimples but not the same. Then without warning, came a slight tremor in my body as if I were passing through an invisible barrier. Something seemed to go ‘pop’- Whoosh, whoosh. For just a second or two. Then I woke up. Pow! Just like that.
I looked around. Everyone seemed to be asleep, walking along the road as if in a dream. My first thought was: “My God, we have all been asleep. I must be the first to have woken up. What is going on? I had better wake up the others and find out.” Then I thought “Who’s in charge here? Who is running this dream? Where is the leader?” I felt almost like I was alone, abandoned on some foreign planet and was standing there among all these projections walking around in their dream and without contact with my people. “What am I supposed to do now?”, I thought. I think I said aloud:
“OK. What’s the game plan?”, half expecting some kind of response from somewhere, some acknowledgment, some instructions. Nothing happened, except a few curious passers-by looked strangely at me. Then I thought: “There has got to be a control, a committee, something, somebody.” I thought: “When I snap my fingers they will appear. We’ll have a meeting. Find out what’s going on.” I snapped my fingers. Nothing happened.
I tried another approach. I’ll count to three. When I count to three, everybody wake up. I counted to three, and shouted:
“OK. Wake up everybody!”
Nothing happened, except a few more people looked at me like I was drunk or crazy. All of this happened within no more than one minute or so after the awakening. My next thought was: “Of course, they don’t know they are asleep, and if I don’t cool it, they are going to make trouble for me. No point in attracting attention. This whole thing may be much more complicated that I imagine.” So I smiled at the Indians on the street, who were beginning to look a little concerned at my strange behavior, and walked into the ashram determined to keep a low profile and think through this whole weird situation from A to Z before I did anything, or talked to anybody.
The first thing I noticed was the change in my body. Everything felt perfect. I flexed my fingers. They seemed much thinner, more powerful, as if they had been swollen and clumsy before. It was the same with the rest of my body. As I walked it felt completely natural, rhythmic, beautiful, perfect – the way it should be, I thought! I had never imagined one could feel so perfect. I felt like I could do anything I wanted to physically. I couldn’t get over this wonderful feeling, and ran my hands up and down my arms, my legs, my chest. It was unbelievable. It was as if, for the first time in my life, I really experienced myself completely naturally, completely at ease. I began to sense my true nature, and I liked it immensely.
There was no doubt whatsoever that this was a non-ordinary state. I have felt euphoria before. There was no comparison. This was not just a “peak experience”. This was far more powerful. It was also far more exhilarating than a sexual orgasm, a constant high really. I could also feel my sexual energy like a powerhouse. It gave a fantastic feeling of strength.
One thing had been perfectly clear to me from the beginning, and I now returned to that thought. It was the same feeling as that time with Grof. The same power. Superman in spades I had called it. Exactly. The same icily clear feeling in mind and body. Only there was no anger, no aggression this time, only deep feelings of love and compassion. Nor did I lose any of the power this time. I recalled now the very instant of the breakthrough how the power surged through me and I seemed to grab it and control it. Unlike the first time, this time I had hold of it right from the start and felt in complete control now. There was no fall off of the power at all. I felt no need to use it as I with Grof. I realized now that my reaction then had been wrong. So I just relaxed and relished the fantastic feeling while I surveyed the scene in the ashram.
